How to Write a Bad Fanfic
by xxConjuringDarknessxx
Summary: In which we dissect a typical TakuMisa fanfic. A beginner's guide to fanfiction.


A/N.

Just read a string of awesome parodies that I wanted to emulate. I'm a hardcore takumisa fan so no offence intended. But you'll probably be offended anyway.

This doesn't mean every Maid Sama fanfic is like it- but most of these apply somewhere in all of my fav stories and I felt like making fun of something. The fanfics I'm making fun of are actually really good though, so don't let this be the catalyst to your distaste. Its for a good laugh.

Also, after re-reading it, I've realized that some of these traits are in the actual manga as well. You can probably discern which ones.

Hats off to **Kitty-chan33's "How to Write a Typical Zutara Fic" and Ryomi's "How to make a really bad Dragon Ball Z Fanfic"** for inspiration.

If you want to make one of these for another anime using similar template as well, let me know so I can read it too.

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 **Step** **1) Create an Account.**

Express your love for your fandom by imaginatively incorporating it with your username. Lack of spacing is highly recommended.

 _MrsTakumiUsui, MisaProppriate and ToraSucksCocksInHell are but a few examples._

 **Step 2) Opening Disclaimer.**

As it is extremely likely that someone might mistake you for being the actual owner of Maid Sama (now that would be a tragedy, wouldn't it?), you need to add a disclaimer.* The stupider, wackier and more perverted it is, the more mentally stable you will come off as. Also, mentioning what you would do if you _were_ the owner is a sure-fire way to avoid suspicion.

 _Disclaimer_ _: I don't own Maid Sama! If I did I'd fuck Takumi Usui into the wee hours and then watch him do tandem with Misa and Tora with plus-size binoculars. (Does this)_

Or

 _Me no own._ Work just fine.

*If you _are_ the owner of Maid Sama, you can skip this step.

 **Step 3) Authors note.**

Include an autobiography, the time and a thousand apologies for updating late, along with a shitty excuse and random Japanese words thrown in for good measure, because people actually care about your personal life and ffn is like a Facebook update for anime nerds.

 _Omg its 4:28 in the morning. Kyaaa! Ohayo mina san! Im sooooooooo sorry for being late. Gomen._

 _Please don't kill me because my fathers grandfather's uncle's aunt's daughter's boyfriend's gold fish's father died of a heart attack and I was too over come with grief to update, desu. But I love you minna san so I put you first and sat down at my laptop since 9 o'clock even though I'm sixteen and have papers to be studying for and its not healthy to spend a sleepless night writing about sex but that's okay because I lack true social life so it won't bother anyone that I'm a closet writer in heat anyway. Please don't cry minna san. I'm sorry okay?_

 **Step 4) Shitty Intro**

 _Once upon time a girl named Misaki who was tough but seriously sexy went about like a boss and beat up all the men for no reason. Did I mention she was sexy? All the guys wanted to screw her even though she was dirt poor and would beat them up, but they were into pain so it was alright._

 _Usui was the most hottest, sexiest guy in the anime universe and he put that Tora bastard to shame. He makes all the girls- and most of the guys- wet but only wants Misaki because he's also into pain. Every time he sees her he wants to take her hard and ends up getting a boner. Then he has to go home and wank in the shower even though a billion other girls would happily help him out there (author coughs *please* cough)._

 **Step 5) Main character gets raped.**

Since getting raped is obviously the new "fetch" and romanticizing the horrifying psychological trauma that victims undergo is never meant to be taken seriously, hence, having your main character raped and promptly falling for the rapist is mandatory.

 _"Lets fuck."_

 _"No"_

 _-Fucks her anyway-_

 _-When they're done-_

 _"Same time next week?"_

 _"Sure."_

-If your underage, not horny, a frumpy prig or a clown, you might prefer Step 5 b as an alternative.-

 **Step 5 b) Main character is rescued by love interest.**

Despite The fact that the story promotes how women don't need to be dependent on men, its completely okay to be a useless twat if said man is sexy as hell and good in bed.

 _"Tora stop it. Please.." Misa whimpered._

 _"Never!" Tora smiles deviously._

 _"But I cant do this" She cried in pain._

 _"Don't worry.. It'll be over soon "He murmured to her. Misaki couldn't take it anymore._

 _"Usuuuuiiii!"_

 _At that very second, Usui slammed open the door, looking like sex on legs and ran to Misa's aid._

 _"Whats wrong?" He asked her._

 _"Takumi," Misaki cried from the floor._

 _"Tora he... He beat me in rock paper scissors."She wailed._

 **Step 6) Give the savior super human powers.**

 _Takumi looked at Tora with death in his eyes. He challenged Tora to a duel of rock paper scissors._

 _"Rock, paper , scissors, shoot!" They both said. Tora chose rock because he was hard. Takumi chose spock because it's awesome and rules supreme. Tora got blasted into ashes because of Takumi's awesomeness and Takumi flew home with Misa using his flying powers, which his fairy god mother Satsuki loaned him. He had to give them back after he got Misaki laid. But he probably wouldn't cuz he's so bad ass._

 **Step 7) Make your characters think only about sex.**

If it's hard to keep them in character at this point, don't bother trying.

 _"Man, I wanna do Misa so bad right now." Takumi said as if he was in pain._

 _"Me too," Tora said._

 _"And I cant have anyone else either. It has to be just her cuz all those other babes with hot curves are such a turn-off."_

 _"Ugh, tell me about it. I mean who cares that she's dirt poor and we could raise our standards a little?"_

 _"Yeah and who cares if we could do any other girl with bigger junk than her instead of wanking?"_

 _"Or that shes a grumpy- ass prick when she's PMS-ing?"_

 _"If its not Misaki, its not quality sex."_

 _"Exactly."_

 _"Ah, Misa and I had good sex last night," Takumi bragged to Tora. Tora smirked at him._

 _"Yeah but i was Misa's first. We had it so bad when you were here in England. Takumi scowls._

 _"Well I made her scream so loud, her mom could here us."_

 _"So?"_

 _" We were in England. "_

 _Tora rolls his eyes._

 _"Bet she wouldn't go down on you thrice in one night. "_

 _"Bet she wouldn't let you go down on her even once. "_

 _"Bet she still wants me."_

 _Takumi got tired of this shit and he was running out of money as well so he said,_

 _"Rock paper scissors? Winner gets to fuck Misaki tonight. "_

 _"You're gonna burn. "_

 _As usual, Takumi was victorious and ran off to find his gf with his super speed._

 **Step 8) Lemonize**

 _They fucked._

 **Step 9) Trash ending**

Feel free to skip the proper ending and ignore all plot holes. If the lemon was good, you'll get reviews anyway.

 _Then Misaki and Usui lived happily effect after and fucked every day until Misa's hole was sore and they had a billion babies and she never had to lift a finger cuz Takumi was there to be househusband while she went through her bitchy moods of pregnancy. But that's another story. Also, Suzuna was there._

 **Step 10) Ending note**

Since you've clearly written a work of art, feel free to shed modesty as you rub your superior writing skills in your reader's faces.

 _So Minna San, wasn't it good? I spilled blood sweat tears making this (not my own of course)._

 _You should understand here and now that i am deserving of reviews- like a hell of a lot of them. U guys go and review all them other ape-shit fanfics but mine is the only one that deserves it cuz clearly, those other writers wouldn't know talent if it fucked them. Oh, but its not like I'm trying to be mean or anything. In fact if I praised their work, it probably means that I secretly wish they would fall off the face of the earth. And I would never wish that. Really._

 _Seriously though, you better review. If you don't i will find you and shove u back into whatever black pit your mother found you in._

 _And if you flame, I hope you burn in hell where there's no internet connection and the devil sizzles your insides for lunch and you get so damn bored that burning seems like a healthy alternative. Desu._

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A/N. Bring your mangas guys.


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